It has been a while. The funny thing is that as I re-read my own blog I think: what a cool blogger! why did she quit?
I do know why, too many things going on at the same time. Specially inside my head. At some level blogging was good to clear up my mind, however, there was a point when I realized that I was having trouble not saying what was really on my mind. On one side I did not have a wish to publish that to my imaginary readership and on the other it got boring to look for topics to write about that did not involve what really mattered.
So where am I now?
I quit my good-paying-high responsibility job, I have a empty nest, I am on my way to being a long distance grandmother (sniff), I have a struggling online fabric business (Artemia) and have not solved half of the knots I have in my soul.
As I look back I see a few forks in the road that could have lead to different places. I always insist to myself that you cannot regret what you have decided to do. Meaning that you never know how things will work out. Regrets are for the decisions that you were afraid of taking.
I guess I am very privileged because every day I see options, roads ahead and choices to make. The bad thing is that they bring along anxiety and this anxiety ties those knots of my soul tighter.
My life today is solid. Friends, family, professional accomplishments, a house by the ocean, health (except for the aching joints, I am way to young to write that). I feel loved by the people I most care about. The only one that fails me is myself. There are reasons why I give myself failing grades over and over again. I should quit doing that.
As a young adult I was successful at getting away from the source of that bad energy but I went back to the light as a moth to the lightbulb. I am writing in riddles, if I keep doing this I will probably quit this blog again before I even start.
Forget it. I am cool, I am 50, I am loved and having a fulfilling happy life.
What is next? Who knows,